Ages ago, my boss mentioned that his anniversary was coming up.
I wanted to acknowledge the occasion in some way, but wasn’t sure whether convention allowed something like that given that our relationship was professional. So I asked my sister what she thought about the matter.
“Mary,” she said, “in my experience, people rarely respond poorly to being thought of. And if they do, it’s their problem, not yours.”
Inspired by that, I gave my boss a card and small potted plant.
Has convention—what’s socially acceptable—made you hesitate to do something that your heart wanted?
At the end of last year, my boyfriend had a friend die.
I’d only met the friend, let’s call him Joe, once in passing and once for dinner in his home with his daughter and wife, who I liked immediately.
When I learned of Joe’s death, my heart hurt for his wife. I was in a different city than she at the time and not in the best emotional state myself. I figured that people who knew her better were supporting her and I could appear later.
Has convention—what’s socially acceptable—made you hesitate to do something that your heart wanted?
Joe’s wife and I are in the same city now. And while convention wouldn’t dictate that I write a letter to a person I barely know with my phone number included, it’s what my heart wanted to do for Joe’s wife, so I did.
Having had two brothers and a niece die young, I got an early taste of our grief falling off people’s radars quickly. That’s not indicting anyone, but rather a wish that grieving people could expect letters or calls months after a loss.
What do you wish were more socially acceptable or common?
Given my wish, it stands to reason that I’d contact grieving people after the cards and calls immediately following a loved one’s death had stopped. So I make reminders to myself to do that, even for folks I don’t particularly know.
What do you wish were more socially acceptable or common?
Along with grieving people feeling remembered, I wish it were common for people of all ages to be friends with each other. And for us to get frequent notifications that someone has sent us an unexpected financial gift!
That part about financial gifts wasn’t a joke: I send my friends surprise! cash, when I have it, and they send it to me too. Often in greater amounts.
What do you wish were more socially acceptable or common?
So, I’m still in touch with that boss of mine and emailed him last week. My fingers followed my heart and signed my message, “Love, Mary-Elizabeth.”
Some people would look sideways at that, but oh well. It seems to me that in our efforts to adhere to convention, we’re making society less pleasant.
Love,
Mary-Elizabeth.
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