Be inappropriate

My parents didn’t know this when they sent me there, but my first high school in Nairobi (I went to three) was a finishing school of sorts.

What? You’re shocked?

Haven’t you wondered to what I owe my refined qualities? 😂

But seriously, I picked up both good and not good things while being taught to be “proper.” And outside of school, I learned—from my family and culture at large—about “appropriate” behavior, like we all do.

I learned to care about people’s perceptions and that it didn’t look good to hang out on street corners or on one’s porch smoking and/or drinking.

For the last six months, I’ve been living in a townhouse for the first time and discovered that I love this kind of housing.

I love apartment buildings too, but there were two things I didn’t love about my last one: my front door opened into an enclosed hallway, and I didn’t have easy access to grass.

Meaning grass that my neighbors’ dogs hadn’t used as a toilet and that I’d feel comfortable standing on with bare feet.

Living in my townhouse, though, I open my door to fresh air and a patch of grass where no dogs tread. But I haven’t been standing on my grass as much as I expected.

I don’t have much of an appetite for it now (biting ants don’t help). But when I did, I hesitated to do it because of a belief embedded in my brain that it wouldn’t be “appropriate” behavior. Plus, I worried that it would look weird.

This is pitiful I know, but true.

My neighbor sits at her front door to have cigarettes. That “inappropriate” habit has helped us to learn things about each other and to share information, ideas and a gift.

I came to my senses and stood on my grass, but I still felt the need to explain myself at first.

“I know it looks funny,” I said to my kid neighbor one morning, “but standing on the grass without shoes is good for you.”

“It is?” she asked.

Both her mom and I said yes.

I didn’t launch into a lecture about grounding but imagine the girl had questions that her mom answered later. If so, I helped her learn something.

In my bid to be “appropriate” and not look weird, I was decreasing my chances of bumping into neighbors, which is the opposite of my intent (most of the time 😊).

Bumping into my neighbor during her smoke breaks is a wonderful thing.

Why?

Because it’s a first step and a must on the path to prosperous and caring communities to grow up and grow old, which is what I hope to inspire.

This past spring, I was reading in my living room when I got an idea:

I could follow my neighbor’s lead and haul a chair outside to read while breathing fresh air and getting grounded by putting my feet on the concrete.

Not only would I encounter fewer creepy crawlies that way compared to standing in the grass, I’d also linger longer and up my chances of getting friendly with neighbors.

“Appropriate” means more than something being deemed acceptable. It also means “imperative or essential for one’s well-being or goals.”

My goal is to have fun and feel alive while helping to inspire a prosperous world, which I believe begins with us caring for each other in the places where we live.

I’m a fan of multifamily housing because living close to neighbors makes it easier to care. But my bigger point is that care asks us to get comfortable with each other, at minimum.

Two days ago, my neighbor’s husband knocked on my door to ask me a favor. He asked if I would please move my car so that he could park his big car next to his small car and jump it.

He apologized for bothering me, but I was thrilled!

I was thrilled that he was comfortable enough to knock.

And I was thrilled because asking for favors can bring people closer (more on this soon).

Are you working against your well-being or goals by being appropriate?

I learned to love talking to strangers from watching my mom.

But maybe your mom taught you the opposite and somewhere embedded in your brain is a belief that it’s not safe to strike up conversations with unknown people.

If your goal is also to have fun and feel alive doing your chosen work, listen for the “should nots” in your inner conversations and start questioning them. And where appropriate (ha!) do the thing you shouldn’t do.

Now that I’m on a roll being inappropriate by hanging out at my front door, I’m thinking about hanging out on corners close to where I live to meet more people.

I’m joking but also not.

May you be inappropriate and prosper.

P.S. If you’re curious about grounding, I wrote a story about it here.